He sleeps
The sounds of inhaling and exhaling break like the sound of waves coming in and out.
In and out.
In and out.
His face; sweetly peaceful in dreams of love and wonder.
I long to be his dream; the muse of his unconscious mind.
The one his wandering thoughts come to rest on.
A home for his ideas.
My dream is him.
He is the reality of which I dreamed. The reality I now have.
The one who my thoughts run to.
The treasure I never thought I would find.
The magic I thought the world had killed.
The key to my heart I didn't know I had lost.
He's the only thing I want, but for now,
He sleeps.
Monday, December 5, 2016
Friday, November 11, 2016
Love...On One Condition...
I've always been extremely proud of where I come from. Growing up in Portland has been adventure after adventure. I love going downtown and meeting the people who have always treated each other with respect and kindness. Every city has its faults, but honestly, I thought ours were that everyone was too strung out on coffee and vegan donuts. But sadly, over the course of the last few days, my view of the city I have always loved has changed. I have seen more violence, hatred, and utter disrespect this week than I ever have in my hometown.
We live in a truly amazing country. We have the ability to speak out when we disagree with each other or our government leaders. We are all equally allowed to vote, men...women...of every race, religion, or sexual orientation. And that is more than what most of the rest of the world can say. America has it's downfalls, I'm not going to pretend it doesn't, but coming from the generation that claims to be a generation of love, I think we need to be reminded what that looks like.
The definition of love according to the dictionary is this:
1: A profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person
2: A feeling of warm, passionate attachment to another person, like a parent, child, or friend
{Now there are 3 other examples, but all have to do with physically passionate relationships, and I'm not including those because they don't have anything to do with what I'm talking about.}
For the most part, I can say the city I have lived in my whole life has been an example of a loving home: we treat each other with kindness and respect. But the things I saw last night make me wonder if we know what real love looks like.
I remember being a kid, and throwing tantrums when I didn't get my way, but there is one time in particular that stands out.
My mom and I were at a store, and I saw a doll I wanted. It was when they first came out with a certain overly sexy doll made for girls, and I wasn't allowed to have them. I didn't know at the time that my parents were trying to protect me from accepting unrealistic body ideals as reality, but as an adult, I get it.
Anyway, my mom told me "no", and I had a giant meltdown, at one point telling her that I hated her. I know that seems like a drastic overreaction, because I love my mom dearly, and to this day consider her one of my best friends, but in my immature mind, I associated love with getting what I wanted.
I fear that is what we do as a society. We love conditionally. As long as we get our way, as long as we are given what we want, we are loving, but holy Portlandia, if we don't...tantrums break out.
In no way am I saying that there shouldn't be protests. The fact we can have free speech is something I love about this country. But, do it respectfully. Alice Paul, one of the greatest American women in my mind, never threw tantrums. She never smashed windows, she never hurt small businesses, she never rioted. She stood her ground, said what she believed, and found a way to WORK for it. She didn't almost die in prison so that we could burn flags, smash the windows of small businesses, and shut down freeways.
These riots need to stop. Now. I am ashamed that there are small children watching grown adults start fires in the streets by burning our flag. I am embarrassed that my friends in other countries are calling my asking if I am safe, as if there has been an attack. I am tired of hearing that we are a city of love, when in reality, we have become a city that is known for whining, crying, and tantrum throwing when they don't agree with something. It's a shame that these riots are being held by adults, because all I see are toddlers who had their toy taken away. I am horrified for those who protest in peace and who are respectful, because they get put in the same category as the people who are destroying our city.
I'm tired of staying up all night, waiting to know the people I love get home safely, because they are the first responders who have to move rioters away from major streets and keep them from blocking parents from getting home to their children.
If you want a better world, then be a better person. Start with yourself. Stop throwing fits. When I think of great Americans who protested to bring love and peace and unity to this country, women like Alice Paul or Rosa Parks. Men like Martin Luther King Jr. ... None of them lit things on fire. None of them kept parents from their children by shutting down entire freeways. None of them put others at risk by blocking streets leading to hospitals. They didn't destroy small businesses and parks. They spoke up out of love and respect for each other. They valued human life and showed affection and unconditional love for those around them. They understood that throwing a fit was not how you bring change, but working together for the greater good was going to bring much more progress.
I can't say I'm thrilled about our new president, but I wasn't really thrilled about any of our choices. But whoever is in the White House, it doesn't matter, because acting our of immaturity and fear is what is tearing our country apart. If every person who reads this can commit to loving people unconditionally, no matter what differences we have, but can look into the eyes of another person and say "I value you and you deserve respect", then we will change our country. Worry about who is next to you, not who is above you, because being the president doesn't make you a better person, it means you have a hard job. Show compassion, not just for those who agree with you, but those who are different. I know my brother and I see differently politically, but that doesn't mean I love him less. We are hurting as a county, as a nation we are falling apart. Lets stop with all the conditional love and just value and respect everyone around us. I'm tired, just like the rest of you, so open your hearts...and lets bring the love back to the land of the free and the home of the brave.
Love unconditionally, and wander always.
{The Grounded Gypsy}
We live in a truly amazing country. We have the ability to speak out when we disagree with each other or our government leaders. We are all equally allowed to vote, men...women...of every race, religion, or sexual orientation. And that is more than what most of the rest of the world can say. America has it's downfalls, I'm not going to pretend it doesn't, but coming from the generation that claims to be a generation of love, I think we need to be reminded what that looks like.
The definition of love according to the dictionary is this:
1: A profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person
2: A feeling of warm, passionate attachment to another person, like a parent, child, or friend
{Now there are 3 other examples, but all have to do with physically passionate relationships, and I'm not including those because they don't have anything to do with what I'm talking about.}
For the most part, I can say the city I have lived in my whole life has been an example of a loving home: we treat each other with kindness and respect. But the things I saw last night make me wonder if we know what real love looks like.
I remember being a kid, and throwing tantrums when I didn't get my way, but there is one time in particular that stands out.
My mom and I were at a store, and I saw a doll I wanted. It was when they first came out with a certain overly sexy doll made for girls, and I wasn't allowed to have them. I didn't know at the time that my parents were trying to protect me from accepting unrealistic body ideals as reality, but as an adult, I get it.
Anyway, my mom told me "no", and I had a giant meltdown, at one point telling her that I hated her. I know that seems like a drastic overreaction, because I love my mom dearly, and to this day consider her one of my best friends, but in my immature mind, I associated love with getting what I wanted.
I fear that is what we do as a society. We love conditionally. As long as we get our way, as long as we are given what we want, we are loving, but holy Portlandia, if we don't...tantrums break out.
In no way am I saying that there shouldn't be protests. The fact we can have free speech is something I love about this country. But, do it respectfully. Alice Paul, one of the greatest American women in my mind, never threw tantrums. She never smashed windows, she never hurt small businesses, she never rioted. She stood her ground, said what she believed, and found a way to WORK for it. She didn't almost die in prison so that we could burn flags, smash the windows of small businesses, and shut down freeways.
These riots need to stop. Now. I am ashamed that there are small children watching grown adults start fires in the streets by burning our flag. I am embarrassed that my friends in other countries are calling my asking if I am safe, as if there has been an attack. I am tired of hearing that we are a city of love, when in reality, we have become a city that is known for whining, crying, and tantrum throwing when they don't agree with something. It's a shame that these riots are being held by adults, because all I see are toddlers who had their toy taken away. I am horrified for those who protest in peace and who are respectful, because they get put in the same category as the people who are destroying our city.
I'm tired of staying up all night, waiting to know the people I love get home safely, because they are the first responders who have to move rioters away from major streets and keep them from blocking parents from getting home to their children.
If you want a better world, then be a better person. Start with yourself. Stop throwing fits. When I think of great Americans who protested to bring love and peace and unity to this country, women like Alice Paul or Rosa Parks. Men like Martin Luther King Jr. ... None of them lit things on fire. None of them kept parents from their children by shutting down entire freeways. None of them put others at risk by blocking streets leading to hospitals. They didn't destroy small businesses and parks. They spoke up out of love and respect for each other. They valued human life and showed affection and unconditional love for those around them. They understood that throwing a fit was not how you bring change, but working together for the greater good was going to bring much more progress.
I can't say I'm thrilled about our new president, but I wasn't really thrilled about any of our choices. But whoever is in the White House, it doesn't matter, because acting our of immaturity and fear is what is tearing our country apart. If every person who reads this can commit to loving people unconditionally, no matter what differences we have, but can look into the eyes of another person and say "I value you and you deserve respect", then we will change our country. Worry about who is next to you, not who is above you, because being the president doesn't make you a better person, it means you have a hard job. Show compassion, not just for those who agree with you, but those who are different. I know my brother and I see differently politically, but that doesn't mean I love him less. We are hurting as a county, as a nation we are falling apart. Lets stop with all the conditional love and just value and respect everyone around us. I'm tired, just like the rest of you, so open your hearts...and lets bring the love back to the land of the free and the home of the brave.
Love unconditionally, and wander always.
{The Grounded Gypsy}
Wednesday, September 7, 2016
Small Steps
You know what's really sad? I can no longer read a newspaper or listen to the news without my heart breaking into a thousand pieces. I've never been someone who is super vocal about things, but today, I need to vent. So many things are happening in our world, and I'm tired of all the bad.
I'm tired of living in a free country, yet still not being able to go for a walk after the sun starts to set in my own neighborhood. I hate not being able to go places alone. I hate the fact that in a country that is supposed to be free, I am so limited because there has been a fear instilled into me as a girl. I hate that our society sees women as objects and not as human beings. You know why I hate that? Because 1: I have a brain. I am a person. I'm not stupid. It's offensive to be looked at when I go out in public sometimes. I can tell when someone notices me in a nice way, and I can also tell when they are being inappropriate and gross. I'm a pretty conservative person in the way I dress, and I still get stares and comments...So it's really not about what we wear, ladies...don't listen to the lies that say thats a reason. 2: How offensive is it to honest, kind men that we are taught to fear them? Our society is making all men out as monsters, and they are not. I have a younger brother, and you know what? He is the kindest, most loving person, and I hate that there could ever be a time where he is seen as a bad person just because he is a man.
This whole thing going on with the "swimming star" (I refuse to give him fame by saying his name) is a joke. It's saying that women really aren't valued. I can't imagine what it would be like to be sexually assaulted, because I am very lucky to have never been in that situation, but to the women who have been, the court system that took that particular case failed them.
I know men and women who have had their lived destroyed and pulled apart because of the wickedness of people, and to think that we are supposed to put our faith in a system that seems to be looking out for only one group of people is not helping anyone. I'm tired of looking at my teenage cousins and praying that they never find themselves in a situation where their dignity and self esteem is torn from them. I'm sick of hearing his name and seeing his face, but I'm also thankful for the good men who found him, and I am especially thankful for the life of the sweet woman who will be forever changed. I pray that she can find peace and healing, even though she was so awfully let down by the system that was put in place to protect her.
I know people who work in various areas of the justice system, and I'm thankful that I get to say that I absolutely think they are good people who do the right thing and I honestly would trust them with my life. Sadly though, I know the reality is that not every person working in the justice system has justice as their first priority. I hope that this is changed, but until then, all I can do is practice kindness. I will never understand why people do horrible things, but I can love the people who are hurting and broken. I may not be able to fix the whole country, but I can work on my neighborhood and my community. Lets just go show people they are loved and valued...small steps can lead to a great journey.
Wander Always.
{The Grounded Gypsy}
I'm tired of living in a free country, yet still not being able to go for a walk after the sun starts to set in my own neighborhood. I hate not being able to go places alone. I hate the fact that in a country that is supposed to be free, I am so limited because there has been a fear instilled into me as a girl. I hate that our society sees women as objects and not as human beings. You know why I hate that? Because 1: I have a brain. I am a person. I'm not stupid. It's offensive to be looked at when I go out in public sometimes. I can tell when someone notices me in a nice way, and I can also tell when they are being inappropriate and gross. I'm a pretty conservative person in the way I dress, and I still get stares and comments...So it's really not about what we wear, ladies...don't listen to the lies that say thats a reason. 2: How offensive is it to honest, kind men that we are taught to fear them? Our society is making all men out as monsters, and they are not. I have a younger brother, and you know what? He is the kindest, most loving person, and I hate that there could ever be a time where he is seen as a bad person just because he is a man.
This whole thing going on with the "swimming star" (I refuse to give him fame by saying his name) is a joke. It's saying that women really aren't valued. I can't imagine what it would be like to be sexually assaulted, because I am very lucky to have never been in that situation, but to the women who have been, the court system that took that particular case failed them.
I know men and women who have had their lived destroyed and pulled apart because of the wickedness of people, and to think that we are supposed to put our faith in a system that seems to be looking out for only one group of people is not helping anyone. I'm tired of looking at my teenage cousins and praying that they never find themselves in a situation where their dignity and self esteem is torn from them. I'm sick of hearing his name and seeing his face, but I'm also thankful for the good men who found him, and I am especially thankful for the life of the sweet woman who will be forever changed. I pray that she can find peace and healing, even though she was so awfully let down by the system that was put in place to protect her.
I know people who work in various areas of the justice system, and I'm thankful that I get to say that I absolutely think they are good people who do the right thing and I honestly would trust them with my life. Sadly though, I know the reality is that not every person working in the justice system has justice as their first priority. I hope that this is changed, but until then, all I can do is practice kindness. I will never understand why people do horrible things, but I can love the people who are hurting and broken. I may not be able to fix the whole country, but I can work on my neighborhood and my community. Lets just go show people they are loved and valued...small steps can lead to a great journey.
Wander Always.
{The Grounded Gypsy}
Monday, September 5, 2016
Memories Of A High School Survivor
My little cousin starts high school today, and I'm kind of freaking out. She went from this little thing that would fall asleep in my arms to a tall, gorgeous, smart, brave girl who could take over the world. I'm excited for her, and nervous for her.
When you ask people about their high school experience, they either loved it, or they hated it. I loved it the first two years, but the last two were hell on earth. The more I thought about why, the more I came to realize... Finding who you are is painful. Not everyone will like you, and there is really nothing you can do about it. High school is where your innocent views of the world become a distant memory, and you have to face the reality that not everyone or everything in the world is good.
Going through the first two years of my high school career, it was fun. I had the same friends I had grown up with, I got to spend my free time with them, I had my first boyfriend... Life was good. But by the time Junior year came around, I found that just because I was growing as a person, didn't mean my friends were too. I lost relationships with people I loved. I broke up with my perfect first boyfriend who turned out to be one of the biggest jerks I would ever meet. It was hard.
I left the country to go work in Central America the summer before Senior year, and I came back ready to live my life with love and kindness. I wanted to be someone who brought peace to every heart she met, but high school and peace hardly go hand in hand.
I was tired of the drama, and because of that, I tried to speak into it and bring peace, but unfortunately, young people are often bad at doing that, and I only made things worse. Senior year was one of the biggest growing seasons I've ever had.
I learned a lot about who I didn't want to be, I learned who I did and didn't want to be friends with, and I learned that sometimes, people are in your life for a season. And that's ok. Mostly, I began to learn who I was as a person and what real love looked like.
My hope for my darling, sweet, beautiful cousin is that she would find who she is. That she would be a woman of kindness and someone who is never afraid of adventure. High school can be hard, but it's harder if you're wrapped up in drama. Stay grounded and be an ambassador of kindness and and example of peace. Learning to do those things now will carry over into life after high school, and those are the tools that will get you far.
Live peacefully and wander always.
{The Grounded Gypsy}
When you ask people about their high school experience, they either loved it, or they hated it. I loved it the first two years, but the last two were hell on earth. The more I thought about why, the more I came to realize... Finding who you are is painful. Not everyone will like you, and there is really nothing you can do about it. High school is where your innocent views of the world become a distant memory, and you have to face the reality that not everyone or everything in the world is good.
Going through the first two years of my high school career, it was fun. I had the same friends I had grown up with, I got to spend my free time with them, I had my first boyfriend... Life was good. But by the time Junior year came around, I found that just because I was growing as a person, didn't mean my friends were too. I lost relationships with people I loved. I broke up with my perfect first boyfriend who turned out to be one of the biggest jerks I would ever meet. It was hard.
I left the country to go work in Central America the summer before Senior year, and I came back ready to live my life with love and kindness. I wanted to be someone who brought peace to every heart she met, but high school and peace hardly go hand in hand.
I was tired of the drama, and because of that, I tried to speak into it and bring peace, but unfortunately, young people are often bad at doing that, and I only made things worse. Senior year was one of the biggest growing seasons I've ever had.
I learned a lot about who I didn't want to be, I learned who I did and didn't want to be friends with, and I learned that sometimes, people are in your life for a season. And that's ok. Mostly, I began to learn who I was as a person and what real love looked like.
My hope for my darling, sweet, beautiful cousin is that she would find who she is. That she would be a woman of kindness and someone who is never afraid of adventure. High school can be hard, but it's harder if you're wrapped up in drama. Stay grounded and be an ambassador of kindness and and example of peace. Learning to do those things now will carry over into life after high school, and those are the tools that will get you far.
Live peacefully and wander always.
{The Grounded Gypsy}
Monday, August 29, 2016
A Mind for Creating
The things I'm good at aren't taken seriously by the world I live in. I often feel like I don't fit in with society, and that's because I don't. My friends all went to college and are now graduating and starting careers, and I still don't know what to do with my life because the things I'm good at, the things I'm interested in, I can't make money doing.
When did artists go from high members of society, to starving young people, many who eventually give up and cave into societal standards of success?
I love to create, and although creativity is something that society says it appreciates, that's hard to believe when there is only so much creativity that is appreciated before it becomes "too creative".
Free spirits know no bounds to the realm of creating. We explore the universe captured in our minds, and we don't apologize for taking what we see and putting it out for the rest of the world to see. We want to explore the thoughts, ideas, and beliefs of others in a respectful and loving way, and art allows us to do that. It could be through visual art, music, acting... You name it, we want it.
I want a world where ideas and thoughts can be expressed through the creative process.
In my opinion, we live in such a structured society that allows for so much creativity, and as long as you make millions of dollars doing it, you're praised. For those of us that are lost and wondering, trying to find a way to provide for ourselves and families, we are looked at as lazy or unmotivated.
We live in a society that encourages us to thrive in capitalism, which has good and bad sides, but it really hinders our ability to feel like active members of the world. When I was in school, music and art were where I thrived, but then they were cut.
I don't have a mind made for math or science... I have a mind made for creating. I have a passion for letting people look into my mind, into my world, and looking into the lives of others. I know I won't fit in, and I know I'm different. I've finally reached a place where I no longer care, I no longer seek approval from those around me. I am happy and confident in my own skin, but I now have the struggle of finding what my place is. How do I become a functioning adult without giving up my core? Exploring the world is easy... Finding where you belong is the hard part.
Keep creating and wander always
{The Grounded Gypsy}
When did artists go from high members of society, to starving young people, many who eventually give up and cave into societal standards of success?
I love to create, and although creativity is something that society says it appreciates, that's hard to believe when there is only so much creativity that is appreciated before it becomes "too creative".
Free spirits know no bounds to the realm of creating. We explore the universe captured in our minds, and we don't apologize for taking what we see and putting it out for the rest of the world to see. We want to explore the thoughts, ideas, and beliefs of others in a respectful and loving way, and art allows us to do that. It could be through visual art, music, acting... You name it, we want it.
I want a world where ideas and thoughts can be expressed through the creative process.
In my opinion, we live in such a structured society that allows for so much creativity, and as long as you make millions of dollars doing it, you're praised. For those of us that are lost and wondering, trying to find a way to provide for ourselves and families, we are looked at as lazy or unmotivated.
We live in a society that encourages us to thrive in capitalism, which has good and bad sides, but it really hinders our ability to feel like active members of the world. When I was in school, music and art were where I thrived, but then they were cut.
I don't have a mind made for math or science... I have a mind made for creating. I have a passion for letting people look into my mind, into my world, and looking into the lives of others. I know I won't fit in, and I know I'm different. I've finally reached a place where I no longer care, I no longer seek approval from those around me. I am happy and confident in my own skin, but I now have the struggle of finding what my place is. How do I become a functioning adult without giving up my core? Exploring the world is easy... Finding where you belong is the hard part.
Keep creating and wander always
{The Grounded Gypsy}
Friday, August 26, 2016
Glitter in the Dustpan
This may not come as a shocker to you, but I have an extremely hard time sitting still. I have to be moving or doing something with my hands all the time, and because of that, I love doing projects.
For you other project lovers, you know it can quickly go from being a small area of clutter, to a giant explosion of supplies. For this particular project, I was using glitter, and as we all know, glitter ends up on every surface in a 100 mile radius from where it's being used. I finished this project weeks ago, but that doesn't mean the glitter stops showing up.
One of my dearest friends told me last week that someone she loves very much passed away. Her uncle fought for his life, but in the end, he didn't wake up.
It is my personal belief that we were never supposed to experience death and dying. I believe it is something we were never going to know, and that is why it is so hard and painful. It is a grief so big, we don't know what to do with it.
It is also my belief, and the belief of my friend, that dying is not the end, but the beginning. I believe in life after death, and because of that, we have hope.
Life gets messy, it's hard to deal with. It's not always pretty, and it can go from a small amount of clutter, to an enormous disaster in the blink of an eye. Watching my sweet friend in her moments of heartbreak, I see her hope. I see the light she carries, and the way she lives her life knowing that life is short. I see her forgiving others and showing people grace and kindness. Most wonderfully, I see her love everyone.
Life might be messy, but love and hope are like glitter...they don't stop showing up.
As I was sweeping my floors, weeks after my project, I caught a glimpse of the glitter in my dustpan. Even in the darkest, dirtiest, messiest days,the sparkle of hope and love doesn't die...you just have to look for it.
May your soul be anchored in hope and love, but may your feet wander always.
{The Grounded Gypsy}
For you other project lovers, you know it can quickly go from being a small area of clutter, to a giant explosion of supplies. For this particular project, I was using glitter, and as we all know, glitter ends up on every surface in a 100 mile radius from where it's being used. I finished this project weeks ago, but that doesn't mean the glitter stops showing up.
One of my dearest friends told me last week that someone she loves very much passed away. Her uncle fought for his life, but in the end, he didn't wake up.
It is my personal belief that we were never supposed to experience death and dying. I believe it is something we were never going to know, and that is why it is so hard and painful. It is a grief so big, we don't know what to do with it.
It is also my belief, and the belief of my friend, that dying is not the end, but the beginning. I believe in life after death, and because of that, we have hope.
Life gets messy, it's hard to deal with. It's not always pretty, and it can go from a small amount of clutter, to an enormous disaster in the blink of an eye. Watching my sweet friend in her moments of heartbreak, I see her hope. I see the light she carries, and the way she lives her life knowing that life is short. I see her forgiving others and showing people grace and kindness. Most wonderfully, I see her love everyone.
Life might be messy, but love and hope are like glitter...they don't stop showing up.
As I was sweeping my floors, weeks after my project, I caught a glimpse of the glitter in my dustpan. Even in the darkest, dirtiest, messiest days,the sparkle of hope and love doesn't die...you just have to look for it.
May your soul be anchored in hope and love, but may your feet wander always.
{The Grounded Gypsy}
Thursday, August 25, 2016
...Pulled By The Stars...
Do you ever lay awake at night unable to sleep? Mind racing...thoughts whirling...dreaming without closing your eyes? I do. Like right now.
I suffer from emotional claustrophobia... feeling overwhelmed by being tied to something or someone. When I feel too close, I run.
The stars inspire a deep wanderlust in my soul. The night sky is full of magic in my mind, and the moon seems full of dreams.
Sleeping seems like a good idea, but my heart keeps telling my soul to run for the hills, and my soul keeps telling my mind to dream of places I've never been.
The travel seed was placed in my soul, and now it keeps me awake at night. I have this desire to run wild all the time. Adventure calls my name and the forest speaks to my heart.
My heart is always wanting to run, even if my feet do not. Maybe that's why I's horrible at relationships; my heart has kind of a wild mind of it's own. Tying it down only makes it worse.
I suffer from emotional claustrophobia... feeling overwhelmed by being tied to something or someone. When I feel too close, I run.
When I'm alone at night, laying in the dark, and the moon is the only thing lighting my room, my heart and mind begin to roam again. Giving my mind ideas for adventure, telling me to run again.
Wild hearts can't be tamed, but the thing is; we really don't want to be.
Live adventurously and wander always.
{The Grounded Gypsy}
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